#oneaday, Day 200: Day 200

And it is with something of a sense of anticlimax that I reach my 200th daily entry on this blog. It’s ten to midnight, I’m sitting in my pants in a stuffy study wondering if I should go and get a glass of milk, play the three Words With Friends games I’ve got on the go at present, stare at Twitter in the hope some revelation might come my way or simply go to bed.

Today didn’t start particularly well, though I managed to get out of bed early for once. Something which I won’t go into right now got me feeling not-particularly-good early on. Downright depressed, in fact. As such, I spent the vast majority of the morning not achieving very much at all. It’s difficult to focus when there’s nothing to really focus on.

That said, the day did improve somewhat later on. I have a second interview for a job I actually want on Tuesday. This is a Good Thing, and brings me on to my next point.

Some time back, I promised that by Day 200 on this blog, I would have made a decision on what I’d be doing. Now, as it happens, said decisions have been pretty much made for me by circumstances beyond my control. But here, for those who give a damn, is what’s happening to me over the next few… I don’t know how long.

I am soon to leave Southampton. In the words of my good buddy Kalam, who just skipped town to live in London and is having mixed feeling about the whole thing, “I’ve got all I can out of this town”. There’s certainly no jobs here that I want to do. If you’re not an accountant, a lawyer or a docker here, there doesn’t appear to be much in the way of work. And I refuse to apply for a job I don’t understand the description for on principle.

I don’t know exactly when I’ll be leaving Southampton. But it will be some time before September 10, which is when the contract on my flat is up and is also, ironically, the birthday of my estranged wife. I will probably be out of here sooner than that, depending on how this interview goes and how soon I’d be able to start at this new position which I’m not going to talk about for fear of jinxing it.

Those of you who are still in Southampton: this town has been a big part of my life ever since I first came here in 1999. Even in the years I didn’t live here, it was still “home”. I have emotional ties and attachments here. And as such, I don’t want to leave it quietly. My time with this town may be coming to an end, but I’m determined that I give myself a proper send-off. So please: if and when I announce I’m doing something to say goodbye, it would mean a hell of a lot to me if as many of you as possible could attend. I know this isn’t “the end” and I’ll doubtless see many of you again. But I’m going to Cambridge, which is a pretty long way away. So I’d like to say a proper goodbye to those I won’t be seeing again for some time. This is a heartfelt request. I’ll try and give as much notice as possible. Keep an eye on Twitter, Facebook and here. And, as arrogant as it sounds, make sure I have a send-off I won’t forget in a hurry.

Beyond this isn’t yet clear. The outcome of Tuesday will impact the details of what happens next. In an ideal world (which I know far too well we don’t live in) I’d get this job, be able to start pretty soon, move back up to Cambridge to stay with my folks for a little while, earn some money, get back on my feet and then the world is my generic clamshell laptop computer.

I have mixed feelings about all this still. The circumstances of everything suck. There’s no changing that. And it’s going to be tough to leave behind this city that’s been home for so long. But at the same time, a new start might just give a fresh outlook on anything. And being back at work will actually be nice. It’s tough to fill the days sometimes, and that’s what can lead to depression and not dealing with things very well.

So in summary: I’m not out of the woods yet. But I’m at least on the path.

Apologies this has been such a melancholy entry for such a milestone in the whole #oneaday project. Let’s hope the next 165 days mark a new beginning. I’m past the halfway point now. Should be smooth sailing downhill from now.

Right?

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